How our grief surrounds us

Isn’t grief a wonderfully sad thing at times? It can be an antithesis and oxymoron at the same time. A feeling of despair where you do not want to be left alone yet a moment of inability to have social interactions with a whole lot of people.

Grief is all the love that you want to give but gets stuck in your throat waiting for something to relieve the pressure, until which it suffocates the life out of you. It can be a mortifying experience that can hold you, hostage, in your own body with everywhere to go but nowhere to be. Shouldn’t your grief be a little further away from you at times?

Sometimes it slowly creeps up on you and surrounds you from all sides before you even realise that it is starting to take over your life. There comes a point where no distraction is enough to cover the demons that have haunted and continue to haunt you. The worst thing about grief is not just the trauma that you face but the fact that there is guilt associated whenever you see an opportunity that can potentially bring you an ounce of happiness.

It shudders from such bliss and goes back to the blanket of its sorrow and misery for that feeling has now become the most comfortable thing in the world. Grief is unrequited love that is stuck in your chest, so you look at every little insecurity and magnify it till it overpowers everything that you thought was just and noble about yourself.

At times it can feel like you are stuck on a boat in a faraway ocean as the holes in it slowly start sinking the vessel and there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it. This feeling is not just an incident or mishap, grief is the accumulation of all the things that made you feel worthless tied together in the mesh of your darkest and deepest fears.

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